The last month or so has been hell for me and mine. So much much happened in such a short period of time and we just couldn’t catch a break.
But disclaimer right here: We got through it and I’m so f*cking proud of myself for all I’ve achieved.
This post is abit of an update and a hella lot of self-love. Cause that shit’s important.
Essentially, we used to live in a very cute, but hella dodgy, flat just outside of Birmingham. Yes, it was in a graveyard, but don’t judge, it was cheap and in a motherfucking graveyard!
Who doesn’t want to live in a building with honest to god gargoyles?!
Unfortunately this also came with a really really crappy letting agent and mildly terrifying tenants. Suffice to say someone brought cocaine into my living room (not cool man), tried to use my flat to have sex with a stranger (not judging but not in my flat at 11pm on a Sunday night thanks) and eventually our letting agent changed the locks and illegally evicted us with no warning with our possessions still inside the flat. (Luckily I had already relocated the kitties to my partners parents house!)
I had to deal with that stress and locate a new home asap! All this whilst I was still coming to grips with entering the busiest season in a job I was still relatively new in.
Moving home 4 times in 5 weeks is not fun I can tell you that.
But guess what?
I got our stuff out of the old flat, continued going to work and organised viewings for new homes. Fast forward a couple of weeks and we were signing a tenancy agreement on a 3 bed house in a lovely neighbourhood with fantastic transport links into town.
We have a garage and a garden and it’s all ours. I couldn’t be happier.
But of course, all that stress takes it toll on a girls mental health. My anxiety was through the roof, I was exhausted and on edge constantly. I couldn’t concentrate, wasn’t sleeping properly and became tearful and/or irritable at the drop of a hat.
My work suffered. My relationship was tested. My strength and my resolve was bent to breaking point.
The only thing that couldn’t hold up under the pressure was my job. I struggled, I reached out for help, I didn’t receive what I needed and what I did receive made things 100 times worse. My anxiety skyrocketed. I was signed off for a week with anxiety after multiple panic attacks and night after night sobbing.
I took that week for me. I forgot all about work and concentrated on caring for myself, my little family and our new home. I started back on my medication for my anxiety. I picked up where I’d left off with my blog.
And like magic I felt the old me coming back through. Whether it was the medication, the blogging or the fact that this was the first full week off to do nothing I’d had in years, I started to feel more alive, more confident, more me!
At the end of that week I quit my job.
It was a role I had never fully enjoyed, I loved that I was learning new things but it was not serving it’s purpose for me. It was a terrifying decision. One I couldn’t have made without the support of my other half and my family.
Now, I’m starting an ongoing temporary job in a low stress but well paid role. It gives me the freedom to find a new permanent role in a career I can give all my passion and my talent to and not rush to take the first well paid job that crops up.
I’m rationing more of my energy for blogging and creative pursuits (writing, upcycling). Things that feed energy back to me rather than just drain and consume.
I’m feeling good. A little scared, a little shaken by all that’s happened but hopeful.